When you get to know a movie… or even when you don’t… you notice that the TV versions are extremely, extremely edited. As an added bonus, they’re often edited very very poorly.
Take, for instance, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off which aired two nights ago on the WB (egads). While you have the normal curse words changed to "heck" or "rear", there are two lines in particular that I love.
First, near the start of the film Ferris is talking about his pal Cameron. In the real version he says, "Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you’d have a diamond!" The edited version loses all meaning. "…Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal in his fist…" Now come on, who puts coal in their fists? (Also, don’t answer the obvious question about coal and asses.)
The second edit is just as entertaining. I originally thought it was obscene, but it wasn’t. Oops. The real version is, "You can’t respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn’t work.", in reference to Cameron’s love life. The edited version at least makes sense: "You can’t respect somebody who licks your boots…" Hm.
Please, share your favorite blatantly bad movie edits. -pm
Posted in Television, Movies, and Music
Marigold May 4, 2007, 5:04 am
This occurs in several movies but I most notably remember it in the TV edited “Valley Girl.” Nicholas Cage, then still Nicholas Coppola (according to the credits) with his badass mohawk get dumped the line becomes, “Well [forget] you, for sure, like totally.” I think we all know what “F” word he’s really saying.
Texas with a Dollarsign June 21, 2008, 8:33 am
I was always partial to the TBS version of “The Matrix”. Some of the gems:
Original – “Hallelujah! You’re my savior, my own personal Jesus Christ.”
Edited – “Hallelujah! You’re my savior, my own personal juvenile delinquent.”
It’s bad enough that they kept in all the religious words save the big JC, but calling The One a juvenile delinquent was the icing on the cake.
Original – “How about I give you the finger, and you give me my phone call.”
Edited – “How about I give you a flipper.”
Why they took out the phone call part is beyond me. And what the hell is a “flipper”?
Tom June 25, 2008, 4:12 pm
Pulp Fiction on VH1 – they’re talking about pork, and Jules says “That better be one charming *mightyfriendly* pig!”
John September 6, 2008, 10:14 pm
Actually, the lump of coal in fist makes sense – are you old enough to remember Superman (TV show) impressing – was it Lois and Jimmy ? – with crushing a lump of coal in his hand and when he opened his hand there was a perfectly formed diamond ! As soon as I read your post the image of that scene popped into my head – thanks for the mammary’s !
BTW – In Die Hard, didn’t Willis mangle the line “Yippee Aye oh Kiyay” ?? (he sez “yippee kiyay” – which is wrong). Small point but it irks me every time I watch the movie – that and when Grubber sez “…of the New York Police…” ! It’s NYPD or New York CITY Police Department – never heard it called “The New York Police…”
Ok, I’m going to go take my chill pill now.