The Daily Ping

Something better than All Your Base Are Belong to Us and Engrish combined, courtesy of a $1.50 bargain bin book I bought titled Sex and Zen & A Bullet in the Head: Hong Kong subtitles by translators that were probably paid minimum wage…

“You circumcised me because of my cold. Now my appendix because of my headache?”
– Doctor Vampire

“Don’t you feel the stink smell?”
– Operation Pink Squad 2

“No ripping off? How about jerking.”
– Queen of Temple Street

“You cheat ghosts to eat tofu?”
– The Ultimate Vampire

“How can you use my intestines as a gift?”
– The Beheaded 1000

“A red moon? Why don’t you say blue buttocks?”
– The Holy Virgin Versus the Evil Dead

“You’re a bad guy, where’s your library card?”
– Enforcing the Law

“Game of chess? What kind? Strip breast game.”
– The Informer

“Give me your urine … urine cures inner injury.
Do you want more?
No. Yours is not so good.”
– The Untold Story

“I’m 80% recovered.
I’m 80% haunted.
Crazy talk. You’re both 80% dead!”
– Mr. Vampire

“Check if there’s a hole in my underpant?
No! I saw a vomiting crab.”
– Full Contact

“I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.”
– Holy Weapon

“I have been scared shitless too much lately.”
– Final Victory

“That may disarray my intestines.”
– Eastern Corridors

“Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.”
– Pedicab Driver

“Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?”
– Armour of God

“I’m firing. Don’t move.”
– Blood Ritual

“The wolves will burst your tits this time!”
– Naked Killer

“To keep looking at the signal baboons make my eyes tired.”
– Angel Enforcers

“I’ll give birth to a stuff for you in 10 months, OK?”
– Perfect Couples

“You always use violence. I should’ve ordered glutinous rice chicken.”
– Pedicab Driver

“I’m not Jesus Christ, I’m Bunny.”
– Double Trouble

“Poodle Head attacked us.”
– Doctor Vampire

“I’m not… I’m!”
– My Neighbours are Phantoms

“The fart of God.
What does it mean?
With a remarkable sound.”
– The Informer

“What is a soul?
It’s just a toilet paper.”
– To Hell With the Devil

“You bastard, try this melon.”
– Gunmen

“Well! Masturbate in hell!”
– Full Contact

“Take my advice, or I’ll spank you without pants!”
– The Seventh Curse

“Noodles? Forget it! Try my fist!”
– Final Victory

“I’ve checked, you are suffered from ‘Big Penis.'”
– Ghostly Vixen

“Don’t shout. Balls are not broken yet.
Yeah? My iron balls are like marshmellows now!”
– Devil Cat

“Some old rules, no eyes, no groin.”
– Bloody Mary Killer

My favorite, though, wasn’t listed. I forget which specific kung-fu movie it was from:

“I’ll teach him a lesson! That’ll teach him!”

-ram